Let her go
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "Lisbon sighed as she filled another spoon with chocolate-chip ice cream, lifting it to her lips. Strangely enough, her lips refused to open, like her brain was telling her that three bowls of the sugary treat were more than enough for her." Jisbon, Angsty, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Friendship. Rated T for bad language, sorry! One-shot.


**A/N: Okay, here we go again; this is not as good as I wanted it to be... and I planned on keeping this less than 1000 words but I failed, as you can see. Hope you can still enjoy this even though it's mainly me being bored as fuck and trying to entertain myself. (Oh and I'm ALSO working on Once Upon a Child, I swear to God, just need to finish it which won't take long and then look for someone who can proofread it for me, I suppose.)**

**Oh, and there's some bad language in here, hence the T rating. Sorry, I got carried away with angry Lisbon!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!**

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'_**Let her go'**_

Lisbon sighed as she filled another spoon with chocolate-chip ice cream, lifting it to her lips. Strangely enough, her lips refused to open, like her brain was telling her that three bowls of the sugary treat were more than enough for her. But she wanted to, God how she wanted to.

She watched as Beckett shut the door and kissed Castle. She wished things went like they did in TV shows - it would make life so much easier.

But it didn't. Life was tough and unfair, especially for her.

She sighed. She wished Van Pelt was here to talk to her. Not that they discussed anything significant, just the normal girl talk; which couple was rated #1 in the office (unsurprisingly, Rigsby and Van Pelt were chosen, for the fourth month in a row), which guy was the most handsome (again, it was no surprise that Jane was chosen; for basically the ninth year in a row) and other office gossip. It was the only thing they had in common or at least the only thing they both wanted to talk about. Lisbon wasn't keen on admitting that she had no personal life at all.

She sighed again when she saw that Castle and Beckett deepened their kiss. Damn, she wanted to be loved. But hey, the only one she did love didn't love her back. Or, as he liked to call it; protect her against all evil. Yeah right.

She smiled softly at how sarcastic her own mind sounded now. She desperately needed to get laid, if only to take her mind off things.

A knock on her front door pulled her out of her thoughts. Great, just what she needed to make her night complete. Whoever it was, she was not going to answer.

Okay, so maybe after the third knock, she WAS getting curious of who might be behind that door. Nevertheless, she got up with a groan, not looking forward to seeing anyone.

When she opened the door, she instantly closed it with a loud thud. She closed her eyes and already moved to clean up the left-overs of the ice cream.

"Lisbon," she heard him say. "Don't be this childish. We both know you're more mature than this."

She rolled her eyes.

"Who are you to lecture me about acting mature?" she exclaimed back at him.

He was silent for a long time and she assumed he had left. She put the empty bowls in each other and put the large spoon in the top one.

"Teresa."

No. No! She could NOT let him in. She didn't trust him, god dammit, how was she supposed to let him in? He would hurt her anyway, he never did anything else.

"Please, Teresa..." She could hear how frustrated he was. She put the bowls on the kitchen counter and lowered her forehead to touch the cool surface. Dammit. Dammit all to hell.

"I'm sorry, Teresa. For everything." He paused again. "I never meant to hurt you. Never."

Dammit, she cursed herself. You know what? Fine! If he wanted to hurt her, he could do just that. She didn't even care anymore. She had been hurt too many times in her life and she knew how to swallow the pain.

She stormed to the door and opened it. She wasn't prepared for what she found here; Jane was crying, his hair disheveled, his cheeks wet with tears.

When he looked up and their eyes crossed, he stepped towards her and shut the door behind him.

"I'm sorry," he croaked. "I never should have treated you the way I did. You're the one thing that matters most but I treat you like crap." He stepped even closer, almost pushing her against the nearest wall. "Can you give me a chance to show you how much I love you?"

She stared up at him, at the sinful tears that were still streaming down his cheeks.

Then, surprising herself, she nodded. And when Jane pushed his body against hers and linked their lips, she felt like the happiest woman in the world.

~...~

She felt like the most depressed woman in the world.

He had left after a night full of passionate lovemaking. She had held him when he'd cried... but he'd still left.

And now she hadn't seen him for five months. And she was starting to lose her sight of her toes as well.

Van Pelt handed her a bowl of ice cream - it amazed Lisbon how every time she was feeling horrible, she would eat ice cream.

She groaned. "I can't believe I was that stupid."

Van Pelt sighed in response. "You weren't stupid. You were in love. And you just assumed that you could trust him... and you learned the hard way that you can't." She looked down at the brunette's belly. "Don't tell me you completely regret this."

"I don't, not until this kid comes out with blonde curls and a stolen wallet."

That made Van Pelt chuckle, and Lisbon smiled a bit herself as well.

"But I'm serious, Grace… I don't know if I can do this on my own… I need him for this-"

"No you don't. Believe me, you don't. You may feel like you need him now, but you can do this. He is just pathetic to let go of someone as amazing as you, and your baby. He is just… Ugh, I don't even know what he is, Teresa, but he is certainly not worthy of you. Stop thinking about him – he's pathetic and stupid and he can go to hell."

Lisbon smiled softly.

"Don't worry too much, _Boss_," Van pelt said, smiling as she said the last word. "We're here for you. And your baby. You'll be fine."

Lisbon sighed and then smiled at her best friend.

She rubbed her belly. Van Pelt was right – she _could_ do this.

~…~

"I can't do this!" she screamed, followed by a heart wrenching cry. Van Pelt bit her lower lip and gave the woman in pain her hand to hold. "God dammit! Grace, get him here!"

Van Pelt swallowed, gently squeezing the brunette's hand.

"I can't, Teresa, I'm so sorry."

Lisbon's free hand hit the edge of the bed, scaring the nurse who was standing beside the bed.

"I'm gonna kill him!" she yelled. Then her voice fell into a cry again.

"You're not the only one," Van pelt whispered. She brushed a strand of hair out Lisbon's face. "Trust me."

~…~

Rigsby strolled down the streets of San Fran.

Really, the only reason he was here with Ben was to get away from his boss. He loved her – in the 'hey-we're-good-friends-but-that's-about-it' way – but damn, she was not helping him smile.

After her daughter's birth, she had almost been forced to be admitted in a mental ward because everybody feared her mental health.

He froze when he saw a familiar silhouette standing at the corner of the street. As soon as his eyes had fallen onto the shadow, it started running. Rigsby dropped the hotdog he was holding and ran after it. He managed to get a hold of it pretty fast, effectively tackling the stranger to the floor.

"Wayne!" the familiar voice exclaimed. Rigsby fought back the urge to hit the blonde several times, but he also knew that it wouldn't help anyone to get this bastard into the hospital, especially not Lisbon.

He glared at Jane as they both got up, the blonde straightening his suit.

Then, Rigsby snapped.

"You son of a bitch! Do you have any notion of what you've done? Do you know how much she's hurting? Do you even know that you have a daughter again-"

"Yes, Wayne, I do."

"Then why the HELL didn't you do anything? Does she really mean nothing to you?"

Jane swallowed and looked down.

"That one night Teresa and I had has been the best one I've ever had. And leaving her in the morning was hard."

"Then why _did_ you?"

"Please, Wayne, could you let me finish?" Rigsby nodded. Jane sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"The night Teresa and I... made love, I received a letter. Telling me to let her go, or else, bad things would happen to her. I know I shouldn't have left, but... but she means too much to me. I couldn't risk getting her in danger. So... I left. Well, I couldn't leave just yet; I needed to make love to her before I would forever leave her."

"And then she got pregnant," Rigsby finished for him. Jane nodded.

"It changed everything... and I've been spying on her ever since. Well, except for now."

"Come with me to Sacramento."

Jane shook his head. "I can't. I can't put my love in front of her life-"

"While she gave birth to your daughter, she was screaming for YOU. Not for herself, but you. Isn't there one part in your being that's unselfish enough to make her feel loved again? She's on the EDGE these days, Jane."

They were silent for a long time. Jane was helplessly trying not to cry.

"Her name is Victoria Charlotte."

A tear left Jane's eyes.

"And just like her mother, she cries for you every single night. You can't be serious with this whole plan. She's a cop, she's always in danger. It's her job description, basically. And no, don't start with him either. She can even handle him, I'm sure. Could you just stop letting him destroy everything you love and choose for yourself for once? You love her, then what's stopping you? Freaking LOVE her, man, in every sense of the word."

Jane lowered his head and covered with one of his hands. He was sobbing uncontrollably now, his body shaking with his sadness.

"You..." Jane tried, "You don't get it-"

"No, you're right, I don't get it." Rigsby angrily turned around and started walking away. Jane stopped him instantly.

"No, wait," Jane said, his voice thick with tears. "Take me back to Sacramento."

~...~

Van Pelt had almost hit him when he'd showed up at Lisbon's apartment, but one look at his face had stopped her.

She pressed her lips in a thin line and stepped aside, letting him in.

"They're upstairs," she whispered. He nodded. It took him a while before he moved. She saw he was really hesitating.

Damn, she felt sorry for him. She'd heard his story from Rigsby, and... she understood him. In a weird kind of way, that is. Not that she would ever admit that what he'd done to Lisbon was right, because she wouldn't; it wasn't right what he had done and it would never be.

She sighed and grabbed his hand.

"Come," she prompted. And much to her surprise, he followed her.

They walked up the stairs and walked down the small hallway until they heard sounds coming from one of the rooms. Van Pelt was familiar with it; Jane, on the other hand, was visibly not. He closed his eyes.

"Is that..."

"Yes Jane, that's Lis... Teresa, talking to your child because she doesn't feel she has anyone else to talk to."

Jane opened his eyes, then the door, slowly and softly.

Lisbon looked up at the intruder. She put down the sleeping baby on the bed, then stormed towards Jane and slapped his cheek hard, causing him to rear back and raise his hands to shield his face.

"Son of a bitch! You fucking stupid son of a bitch! I hate you!"

She kept hitting him, but not actually hurting him - she wasn't strong enough for that yet.

Then he did something that no one had expected - he stood up straight and lowered his arms, giving her enough space to slap him.

She slowly stopped hitting him and frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"You can hit me, Teresa. I deserve it. Hit me all you want, I won't stop you."

She lifted her hand and moved it towards him, then shook her head and lowered it. She turned around and crossed her arms against her chest.

He took the opportunity to step closely behind her.

"Son of a bitch... if you think I'll take you back just because you're here- you're wrong. Oh, you're so wrong."

"I know, Teresa."

She turned around.

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

"I love you, Teresa. And I was stupid for leaving, I should've stayed, damn I should've been here. But I was so afraid, Teresa. If he would take you away from me... I wouldn't be able to survive."

"So instead you took yourself away from me. How is that fair?"

He averted his eyes. He had never thought about it that way. She was right, of course.

"It's not. I'm sorry."

The baby they had been ignoring up until now let out a soft sigh. Lisbon did too and walked over to the bed.

She cooed softly and lifted the little girl, cradling her to her chest.

Lisbon sighed again.

"What am I going to do with you?" she whispered as she crossed eyes with Jane again. She paused, took her time calculating her next move.

She lifted the baby and sniffed her diaper.

"Okay, you can start with changing this." Jane smiled softly - she didn't. Which showed nothing good was in his future. "And then put her in her crib in the nursery and leave. I need time to think."

His smile faded. She handed him the baby who looked at him with curiosity - she was beautiful.

Lisbon climbed into the bed - the bed they had used consistently that one night this beauty was conceived - and buried her head under the covers.

Jane followed her strict rules, only to break down as soon as he was standing on the hallway.

Van Pelt was with him in a few seconds and led him to the nursery, sitting him down in the rocking chair.

He cried as he held the little girl. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry... I... I will fight for you, my little girl... and your mother... even though she hates me..."

"She... she doesn't hate you, Jane," Van Pelt interrupted him gently. "She, uh... I don't know if I'm in this position to tell you, but... she's always been asking for you. From when she first found out she was pregnant to when I had to stay here to help her take care of Victoria. She never gave up hope, even far after we did, to be honest. Just... give her some time now, she needs it. Enjoy being with Victoria... and then you can sleep on the couch or something. Don't leave. She just... needs more time. Don't give up hope."

Jane took in a few deep breaths. He smoothed a small strand of hair out of Victoria's face.

"Why are you helping me? Don't you hate me?"

"Yes, I hate you. But you two had an equal share in creating her so you should take care of her together. _And_... I want you two together. Because you're in love. It would be stupid not to be together."

And that was the ending of their conversation, as Jane's focus shifted to the baby in his arms. He was softly cooing just like Lisbon had done, but in his own way. She left the two alone after a few minutes. She doubted between going home or sleeping on the second couch in the living room – then decided that these two could not be left alone. Lisbon _had_, after all, hit Jane repeatedly. So she stayed.

As she walked past the bedroom, she heard Lisbon crying. She sighed. What was she going to do with these two stubborn people? She had no idea.

She opened the door slightly and poked her head around the corner.

"Teresa?" Lisbon was quiet for a few moments, then she sniffed.

"Yes?" she croaked.

"Should I... Should I let Jane..." She couldn't finish her sentence. God, her boss could kill her if she did.

But she didn't. Instead the brunette sat up in bed and looked at her.

"He's not gone yet?"

"No. I didn't allow him to leave. He's in Victoria's room."

Lisbon fell back against her pillow.

"Dammit."

What... What should they do now? Jane wanted to be with Lisbon and wanted to be Victoria's father, but Lisbon... yeah, what did Lisbon want anyway? Van Pelt wasn't sure.

"Get him here."

Van Pelt moved even before Lisbon had finished her sentence and almost barged into the occupied nursery.

"Lis- Teresa wants you in her bedroom."

Jane stared at her, as though she had just grown a second head. He was still holding Victoria, who chuckled as Jane gently rocked her.

"She wants to see me? Why?"

"Don't question her, just go."

She needn't say it a second time, as he quickly but gently put Victoria in her crib and then hurried out of the room.

Van Pelt checked up on the baby, then when she found the little girl was totally fine, sat down in the rocking chair. She could hear Jane and Lisbon, though for now, they were just talking - in the way one would talk when have made love and then having been separated for nine months.

Their voices rose until they were downright screaming. Well, Lisbon was screaming. Jane was disturbingly quiet. Van Pelt could hear every single word of the woman's ranting.

"I needed you! You told me that you were sorry for hurting me but you _knew_ you were going to do it again! Dammit, Jane, if you were planning on leaving, why not use a fucking condom, huh? Why risk getting me pregnant if you weren't planning on staying? God dammit, Jane! I really don't get you!"

Van Pelt didn't hear Jane respond. "Come on, Jane," she whispered, "end this madness." It wasn't like she didn't trust Lisbon to end this... but she was still so, so emotional. If she wasn't stopped, she would scream for days on end.

"Why risking leaving something precious behind while you could have just cut off all loose ends? Or does Victoria mean nothing to you either? Damn you're a cold bastard!"

"No!" Jane screamed all of a sudden. They were silent for a long time, and Van Pelt feared that one of them had killed the other - but she knew that wouldn't happen. They had problems yet to solve here, they couldn't kill each other.

"You mean everything to me!" Jane eventually resumed, "when I fell in love with you, my life made sense again! I don't even want to kill Red John for Angela and Charlotte anymore!"

"Then for what-"

"For a future with _you_! Don't you understand? I love _you_ and I want to spend the rest of my pitiful life with you!"

They were silent for a long time again. Victoria, in the meantime, was getting a bit fussy because people were constantly interrupting her nap.

"Shh, Victoria," Van Pelt said gently. "It'll be okay."

"Victoria is _not_ a mistake and she'll never be one," he continued, but now his voice was a bit calmer than before. "And yes, I'm glad we made her because now you got a reason to keep me close-"

"I never said that you would be a part of her life-"

"But I _will_ be a part of her life. Because she's _my_ daughter as well. You can't be serious with keeping me out of it-"

"And I thought you couldn't be serious with leaving me after we had sex but hey, you still that, didn't you?"

Again, a pause. Van Pelt heard a heavy sigh.

"We didn't have sex, Teresa," he eventually said. "We made love."

She heard someone walking around in the room, probably Jane, as he continued talking.

"Sex... wouldn't mean anything to me, because it doesn't involve any feelings or emotions. It doesn't involve love. What we did... wasn't sex. I don't know what it's going to take to make you realize that I really _do_ love you, but I will do everything to find out. I know I've been a jerk, and that I've hurt you. And I can't express to you how sorry I am for doing that. I don't even have excuses anymore, because I know that nothing I say will ever make the fact that I left you justifiable. Please... let me try to prove it to you. I know I asked this before, and I know it will take a lot for you to give me this right again... but please, _please_, Teresa. I will do everything."

"Jane-"

"No, Teresa, don't say anything. I'm not lying this time, I swear to God." Then there was a pause again, in which Van Pelt heard Lisbon saying 'no' over seven times really quickly. What was Jane even doing? Slowly killing her? "Will you please marry me, Teresa?"

Wow. Van Pelt had not seen that coming at all. Okay, maybe she had, but she hadn't expected it to actually happen. Those two still had a long road to go and it would take a while before they would actually be at the point where Jane thought they were.

"Jane..."

"Just say yes!" Van Pelt exclaimed, before she could stop herself. She was ready to sink through the floor when she didn't hear them reply. God dammit, she was such a-

"Don't ever leave me again," she heard Lisbon say. "No, I'm serious, Jane. I _won't_ take you back the next time."

"I'm aware of that."

Then, she heard nothing. Nothing at all. Until Victoria decided she desperately needed to hear her mother's voice and let them know – she started crying, first softly but then eventually at the top of her lungs.

Not much after this, Lisbon entered the room with Jane close behind her. She looked at Van Pelt first, who gave her a small nod. The brunette nodded back and Van Pelt smiled softly.

Lisbon walked over to Victoria's crib. Jane was following her as though he was glued to her back – and he probably was, figuratively speaking, of course.

"Oh, Victoria, Sweetheart. Don't be so sad. It's all right now, okay?"

She picked up the girl and cradled her to her chest. Jane was still at Lisbon's back and looked over her shoulder at the crying baby. Van Pelt saw him resting a hand on Lisbon's hip and she smiled softly.

Okay, for now, they would be okay.

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**A/N: Okay, so let me know what you think! Will stay a one-shot, btw. Love you all, thanks for reading!**


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